The dreaded Visitor

My dreaded monthly visitor is arriving and I can't help but be sad. I really deep down hoped that God would spare me the stressful and difficult jourey that lies ahead. I thought that when this day came that I would be angry and it would make me want to call up Dr. Werlin and tell him I am ready and lets get started but it did the opposite!! I keep questioning if I am making the right decision. It is an exorbadant amount of money and an extremely scary experience ahead. It is not 100% which really scares me because if it doesn't work am I going to regret doing it all or will I see it as a life lesson? And will it cause gmore grief and stress in my marriage. Should I just be happy with what God has given me and move on with life?After 66 months of the dreaded heartache that accompanies my unwanted visitor I am so irritated that this is happening to me. And to make the situation more difficult I sat for 30 minutes today listening to two girls at work talk about their parenthood plans about not wanting anymore children after 30 years old and only wanting two girls and thinking to myself why does God give them what they want. I really wanted to have kids by the time I was 30 too but I didn't have that choice. And when you listen to them from my perspective it sounds very different. It seems selfish and if they would just think about it for once about what they are talking about and in front of who maybe they would get it but they don't! Life is really unfair in a lot of ways and I try to stay uplifting but I just don't want to have to do in vitro. We have to struggle financially, emotionally, and physically just to have a family if it doesn't kill us before we get there. Hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day!